Dear Daphne


Dear Daphne

My partner and I (of 3 years) recently combined our finances and opened a joint bank account. We live together and split rent and utilities so it seemed like a good idea. The trouble is, I’m finding it increasingly frustrating to see her spending money on frivolous non essentials. I earn a little bit more, and sometimes she spends more than she’s putting in on personal items. How can I make her stop without causing an argument?

A. It doesn’t seem like you actually wanted to combine finances, because you still see your ‘joint’ income as your money, and her money. On the other hand – its not actually fair for her to splash your joint cash on non necessary luxury items without consulting you first. Perhaps a gentle conversation about running splurge items past you, and vice versa, it is your shared money and it affects you too. To save argument I would refrain from reminding her that you earn more – it shouldn’t be part of the issue if you truly wanted to pool your resources in the first place and move forward together. Happy spending!



Dear Daphne,

Like my husband, I work full time. The trouble is, not one member of my family helps out around the house. My husband will deal with fixing things that break and the occasional dish wash – but other than that I’m coming home to a house full of work after I’ve already worked all day. My two kids who are both in their teens conveniently have homework any time I ask for help. I’m tired and I’m frustrated but have I left it too late?

A. Striving for equality is still a daily battle for many women like yourself. How do you break out of the confines of history and into 2018? You need to get your partner to set an example to your children – with two of you showing a united front it should make for an easier battle. If your family are less than willing, go on strike. Don’t do anything they wouldn’t and see their reactions as the house falls into disarray. Worst case scenario, they don’t notice and it drives you crackers. Best case scenario it sparks a conversation between your family members when they wonder why there’s no clean pants magically appearing in their drawers anymore. I’m there in spirit!



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